|Posted by doktakra on June 19, 2008 at 12:45 PM|
I caught "American Beauty" on cable the other day, and it got me thinking -- you know how Kevin Spacey's character quits his crappy job and applies at McDonald's just because he feels like it? Never mind the improbability of his fake sexual harassment claim, which is so ridiculous that it almost ruins the movie. I just envy him for getting up one day and saying, "screw it, I'm doing whatever the hell I want." But that's not the only reason why I'm bringing it up now. You know what it's time for....a classic from the vault. I'll introduce this in my best Power 105.1 announcer voice: back in the day....1999....Linens 'N Things in New Jersey.
I remember discussing the premise of American Beauty with my manager, a 30-something, (relatively) attractive Latino woman. About halfway through our conversation, she chuckled and said, "well, the pie was warm and soft, so it felt just like the real thing, you know what I mean?" After an awkward pause, I realized that she was referring to "American Pie"...um, yeah, who doesn't get these cinematic masterpieces confused? I didn't think that was an appropriate comment for her to make to a 16-year-old....but then again, this is the same woman who constantly asked if she could (or more correctly begged to) grab my ass...which would've been troubling if I didn't sort of like it. And you wonder why I have problems now. I keep it clean, so I won't divulge any further details here...let's just say that it was an um, interesting work experience. Oh, and years later, I ran into one of my former LNT store managers, and he told me he married her. I actually laughed because I thought he was joking...expect he wasn't. At least five awkward seconds passed before I realized I should tell him congratulations and quickly walk away...ah, memories.
In other news, a subway performer brightened up an otherwise long and boring trip. Now, if you've ever been on a NYC train, then you've come across beggars, bootleg DVD sellers stuck in a time warp, and all kinds of "musicians." I hardly ever enjoy any of these spontaneous concerts, and start moving to the back if I hear anything that starts with, "ladies and gentlemen." The worst part is when I'm forced to look down at the floor when they come around asking for tips. Look, I'm not a bad person, but I'd rather contribute to an organization so I know where my money's going, you know? Or maybe I'm just a cheap bastard. It's one or the other. Anyways, I almost broke my own rule...all in the interest of unintentional comedy. An elderly woman sat down in her seat, and started singing one phrase, over and over, without the aid of instrument: "It ain't no joke, I'm broke." This went on for a solid two minutes, and at the end, almost everyone around me put change in her cup. I couldn't bring myself to do it, but I came close...I almost reached for the change my pocket.