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Despite what I may have told people in college, my high school football career lasted only three days.

After running cross-country and track during the fall season as a sophomore and junior, I wanted to see if I could make the transition to football as a senior. Three practice days in, I decided I’d had enough. I wasn’t in danger of being cut (mostly because with about 100 students in my class, just about anyone who tried out made the team), but wearing pads made me feel as slow and immobile as the Michelin Man, and the helmet was even more uncomfortable and awkward. Also, being hit wasn't all that cool.

And so, I went back to cross-country, coincidentally or not, had my best season, and save for the occasional tailgate, never touched a football again.

This summer, my friend was recruting players for his flag football team, and after making sure that no equipment was required (and that the rules stressed no contact), I came out of my semi-retirement. We ended up capturing the triple-crown by being the only winless team (0-6), scoring by far the fewest points (31) and giving up the most points (154) in the league.

In fairness, although it was supposed to be for football beginners, we found out that almost every other team had been playing together for years, and that the undefeated squad even had their own playbook (seriously). On the bright side, we did somehow win the award for “Spirit Champions,” despite rarely looking all that spirited on the field (see my facial expression during halftime of one of our games, below) and did start to come together over the last couple of games and have some fun.



Personally, I had an up-and-down campaign, especially while playing a few series at quarterback and defense against faster and more experienced players, but didn’t drop any passes thrown in my direction. I’m guessing not many people in the league kept track of their own statistics, but well, when my team didn’t score a point until the final minutes of the third game, I needed every reason I could to stay motivated and excited to play (all yards are approximate).

Sure, even Tim Tebow would blush at my completion percentage (18.2%) and 0:3 TD-to-INT ratio, but in my defense, I was hit on one throw, which should have been a penalty, and my first pick went off of a receiver's hands. At least I went out with a bang in the finale, scoring one of our five touchdowns on the year and converting our only two-point conversion, and we kept the game relatively close.

We certainly have our work cut out for us next season, but it felt good to be back out on the turf, without the pads and hits.