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I don't get people.  I was waiting in line for the bus the other day, when this random woman said she forgot her cell phone and asked if she could borrow mine.  I had no problem with this and handed it to her...except that she wanted me to dial the number for her.  I found this odd since she clearly owned a phone and knew how to use it, and was scrolling through her PDA to find the person, but whatever.  If this was one call, I wouldn't even mention it....but she couldn't find the right number and made me call eight different people.  She was still not set by the time the bus came, and asked if she could sit down next to me to continue this fun process.  Stuck in the already uncomfortable seats, she looked over my shoulder each time to make sure I was putting in the right digits on the keypad before taking the phone to her ear.  Thankfully, she got ahold of her sister in Florida on the 11th call.  See, in a perfect world, she'd work for a record company and be my in to the entertainment world.  Instead, she's a insurance salesman who now has my number...I saw her write it down.  Oh, and to top if all off, the driver went the wrong way and lengthened my trip by an extra 20 minutes.  Yeah, good times all around.

With that out of the way, let's get to the depressing stuff....come on, it's been a while, so I was due.  Normally, I rely on the magic of self-delusion to rescue me from the daily struggle that is my life (so overly dramatic!), but even that hasn't been enough lately.  Speaking of which, I still don't know what I'm doing for New Year's eve...the midnight run was fun last year, but I'm not really into it now.  I'm not really into anything.

It's funny how a short while ago, I was feeling as good as ever, daring to believe that things were turning in my favor.  I only ask for three things in my life -- one life, one try, one breath -- a steady job to pay the rent, the Kings, and a good woman.   And all three are finding new ways to disappointed me.  Let's go through a quick rundown:  there was this dagger through the heart just before the holidays; I have no idea where my future is headed after some unpleasantnesses at work that would get its own blog entry if I wanted to risk termination; and of course, [warning: explicit language] ain't nobody calling back. I won't go into details on the last one either, mostly because I don't even understand the situation myself.  But I'm pretty sure when someone, no matter how nice they are, doesn't respond to e-mails and phone messages, it means they're not really interested.  That much I've learned over the years.   Dealing with being inexplicably hurt by someone I care about, I have not.

All of these factors combined led to my first ever joyless Sunday volunteering experience...which is what I  look forward to all week long.  So, the question now is, if I don't have that, what do I have?  It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder, how I keep from going under...