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Some people are deathly afraid of clowns, and others are scared to fly. A girl I once dated used to check the toilet to make sure there was nothing in there ready jump out at her (I never asked what exactly). I once had a friend who carried a potty in his car trunk just in case he got stuck in traffic and couldn't make it to restroom in time. Once again, I never inquired why or if he ever actually did this. I'm not here to judge, and hell, who am I to say what's normal? I now present to you, some of my own irrational fears.

Getting My Arm Chopped Off By a Helicopter Blade: Yes, it happens. Just look at Dr. Romano on E.R. some years back, damn it! Although I should note that I'm not afraid of a helicopter crashing down and killing me, which is how Romano ironically died, nor do I think there's any chance that a loose seal will bite off my hand. Just in case this needed to be clarified.

"It" Will Fall Off:  I must've been like six or seven years old when I had a nightmare that, um, it fell off while I was peeing, right in my hand. I remember this traumatizing moment nearly 20 years later, and it's always in the back of my mind when I go. Um, let's move on.

Stairs/Escalators: I don't like them and I prefer to avoid them, especially the really thin staircases that twist around and go up really high. I start to get nervous that I'll trip up the stairs (though suprisingly not down) and fall flat on my face -- believe it or not, it's happened before. This is a big problem during the morning rush, when all I have in my head is, "don't fall! don't fall!" while everyone else is hurrying with no regard for my psychological issues. Escalators are even worse if they're shut off, because I get disoriented going up when they're not moving along with me.

Falling in the Tub: I don't know how this began, but I'm afraid of falling in the bathtub and either breaking something or busting my head open. This might sound a bit morbid, but is there a worse way to die that slipping in the tub and having someone find you lying in there, fully naked? I think even Fat Elvis would agree with me. This is why I only shower once a week...and if you don't know, now you know.

Hyperventillaing When Asking Out a Girl...Again: I'm not ready to share this with the world my two dozen readers just yet. Let's just say that it's my most embarrasing moment to date, and that's really saying something.