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The first Bill Simmons article I ever read was a little over eight years ago. I'm not exaggerating when I say this -- it was, and perhaps still is the most genius thing I've ever seen.  He combined the top 50 quotes from my favorite sports movie, Rocky III, with his 2001 NBA awards, and even dedicated his favorite scene -- Clubber Lang provoking Rocky to fight him by disrespecting Adrian -- to his favorite team of the season, none other than the Sacramento Kings.  Ah, good times.  I even caved and paid for an ESPN Insider subscription a few years later to read some of his past columns (before they became available for free).

In honor of one of the Sports Guys' best gimmicks, I present a running diary of last night's Book of Basketball signing at Professor Thom's bar in the East Village, where I had the chance to meet and briefly talk to the man himself.

6:16:  Michelle and I arrive at the bar and find two separate lines on each side of the entrance.  The bouncer doesn't seem to know why this is the case (this will be a theme), but tells us to get all the way to the back of the much longer line that extends down the block.

6:31:  Someone on the street asks the group in front of us what we're waiting for, and they tell him that LeBron James is signing autographs (quite a feat considering that the Cavs-Raptors game is about to tip-off in Toronto).  Everyone manages to hold a straight face as the guy gets super-excited and races to the back of the line. Best moment of my day so far.

6:42:  We're given numbered wristbands and the people with pre-purchased books are told to go inside the bar.  Michelle informs me that it would've been smart to get the book ahead of time. Thanks, hon.

6:43:  The bar is quickly filled to capacity, leaving one line to the left of the entrance, where we're now standing near the front, and -- there's no other way to say this -- a clusterf*** of people with books on the right side.

7:11:  Simmons, accompanied by an entourage of a half-dozen people, one of whom I recognize as Jack-O, pulls up in a cab to a rousing cheer from a crowd of several hundred.

7:15:  Simmons signs for the minors first, and an overweight kid exits with a huge smile on his face, desperately trying to catch his breath.  Someone makes a joke that he looks like he just got his first, um, something I can't reprint here.  This is my new favorite moment of the day.

7:21:  An announcement says that people with wristband numbers 5530 through 5550 should make their way to the back of the bar for autographs.  Our wristband is number 5732.  Crap.

7:33:  The bouncers try to restore order amongst the people in the aforementioned clusterf***, and begin letting some of them in at the expense of everyone who's patiently waited in line because "that's what they're told to do."  Fantastic.

7:41:  An irate Michelle gives the bouncer an earful, and he eventually lets us in after discovering that she's from Florida and is a fellow Miami Dolphins fan. Michelle immediately regrets not mentioning this a half hour ago.

8:00:  Obnoxious Yankee fans yell at the television, while two classy gentlemen debate whether they would "hit it" when Michelle Obama is shown on the screen.

8:30:  Obnoxious Yankee fans yell even louder at the television because their team is losing, which now makes me a little happier.

8:51: Our number is finally called, and we push through the pack to reach Simmons' signing table.  A woman asks what I'd like him to write in my book, and I tell her I'll think of something when I get up there.  I'm cool like that.

8:56:  Simmons shakes my hand, and asks me what my shirt says.  I tell him that it's a throwback Kings jacket, and ask him if he has anything that would cheer up a Sacramento fan.

Without missing a beat, he writes, "You won in 2002. You did. Bill Simmons."

9:01:  Now I can die in peace.