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No, no, Michelle and I haven't broken up...far from it, actually.  But I'm guessing you don't want to hear about that stuff, since I've been told that I was more entertaining when I was resentful and miserable.  I'll just get right to the big announcement and get it overwith: Candace and I are done.  I mean it.  I don't know exactly when it hit me, but I've stopped caring about the one-time dreamgirl.  Of course, her marriage to the-one-who-shall-not-be-named and their love child (shudders) didn't help, and a second straight snub at MSG might've been the final straw. If you don't think I'm serious about it being over, look no further than here -- that's right, the infamous bedroom poster is no more.  No, I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' shed no tears...

Anyways, I've moved on, and eventually, so will you.  To help with the grieving process, Iet's get back to the basics with a good ol' fashioned hate list.  This week's theme is elevator etiquette which I have not previously covered (see Things I Hate in the sidebar for more thoughts on people who block the exit or take the elevator to go down one f'ing floor).

*People who hold the elevator door open to continue their conversation:  I think the rules are pretty simple here.  If you're getting on the elevator, then either stop talking to the person on your floor or don't get on at all (note that in the latter case, I'll still be mad that you've wasted precious seconds of my time, but considerably less so).  Amazingly, this also works in reverse when you're on the verge of disembarking, but find yourself in mid-conversation.  The point is, I'm already irritated that the elevator stopped on your floor and ruined my express ride, but you then compound my anger by standing in the doorway and carelessly talking while I wait for your inconsiderate ass to finish.  I'm giving you the evil eye as I type this.

*People who leave farts in the elevator that I subsequently board:  This is even more offensive when another person enters and assumes that I was the culprit.  Not cool at all.

*People who press the elevator button repeatedly after it's already been pressed:  Once again, this concept seems simple to me.  If the button is lit-up, it means that someone before you (probably me) already pressed it.  Do you think that I'm an idiot and didn't do it correctly, or that your magic touch will make the elevator come quicker if you keep on pushing it?  Similarly, if your floor has already been pressed when you step inside, there is absolutely no reason to push the button again.  It will change nothing, I promise you.

*People who squeeze into a crowded elevator when there's no room:  Self-explanatory, I'd imagine.  Bonus hate points awarded if you're with a group of people and feel that every single member of your large party (intentional double-meaning) needs to get into the same elevator, because clearly, another one won't come a few minutes later and make the ride more comfortable for everyone involved.

*People who don't say, "thank you" or otherwise acknowledge my act of kindness when I hold the door for them:  On those rare days when I decide to do something nice like that (nine out of ten times, an attractive woman will be involved), I'd at least expect a nod or a smile in return.  It's ungrateful people like you who make me frantically press the door close button as you're approaching the elevator, which more often than not, does nothing anyway, aside from making me look like an ass.  Sigh.