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Summer Love / Trust Me

Posted by doktakra on March 4, 2008 at 5:17 PM Comments comments (14)

Have you ever wanted to find someone attractive?  I mean, you meet a girl you think is maybe kinda cute, but you're not that drawn to her at first.  Only she starts to look a little better each time you see her, and you begin convincing yourself that she's not that bad looking...and then after a few weeks, she's looks like Natalie Portman's second cousin.  My friends and I used to call this the "summer job theory," back in the days when we somehow ended up working at places like Bed Bath & Beyond or Linens 'N Things (linked only because one of the cashiers still gives me an employee discount after like nine years -- good times!).

Actually, working there was less coincidence than design, since you can guess which segment of the population shops at department stores the most.  That's right, middle-aged housewives...er, I mean, college-bound girls who'll do anything for a 20% off coupon...and by anything, I mean let you talk to them for a few minutes without turning away in disgust.  Sorry, I lost my train of thought... Oh, right, the theory -- the real reason we called it that is because there was always some girl that worked in your department that fit the profile perfectly.  By the end of the summer, after spending so many late nights helping her close the store and restock the shelves, she really grew on you.  Why do I mention this now?  Because there are no crazy hot girls on my floor...but there's one that's kinda sorta cute.  I've been working in my new building for about two weeks....so she's now escalated to "borderline sexy" status.  Even though I'm well aware of what's happening, I'm powerless to stop it.  This can only end badly.


The other object of my daily fascination is the work of a profound 12-year-old, who I will refer to as Tonnie.  That's right, it's the Reptile of Trust.  I really wish I could provide a link to the full page version so that you could experience the brilliance in all its glory, but this is the best I can do right now.  Anyways, this masterpiece used to hang outside of my old building, and brought joy to my world, as well that of countless others, on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, it was taken down shortly before I moved to my current office, and all I have left is a black-and-white printout hanging above my desk.   I like to imagine that it somehow protects me from evil...or something like that.

Why do I love it so much, you ask?  I'm not really sure, and I don't want to diminish it by listing pointless reasons.  Plus, my limited vocabulary would not do it justice.  It's simple, and yet unfathomably complex; it's absurd but spectacularly awesome all at once.  I hope to one day understand what went on inside the artist's head during its conception...

Oh, and there's a poem that I inexplicably missed, which brought the R.O.T. to a new level when finally I read it.  I will now recite it by heart (that's a lie, I only know the soon-to-be-historic second line):

Dear Anger:

Sometimes I can control you
but sometimes you are
uncontrollable.
You get on my nerves, but then again, you are
my nerves. 
I try to get rid of you but
you keep coming back. 
I just want you to know
you can't control me
anymore.

Wow.  If you're not moved by this, you're not human.

How can someone half my age be so much deeper and more profound?  I bow to the power of the Reptile of Trust, and Tonnie, the boy/girl genius whose fingertips created magic on a fateful Saturday afternoon.

Swing Away

Posted by doktakra on January 8, 2008 at 8:30 AM Comments comments (5)

"See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?"


I caught the end of Signs the other day (that M. Night Shyamalan movie), and it got me thinking.  I wasn't a huge fan when it first came out, and I don't really like it all that much now either.  It's certainly no 6th Sense or the underappreciated and grossly underrated Unbreakable.  But I did like the theme -- something like everything is connected, or that it will all make sense and come together one day.  I don't know, maybe I missed the whole point and that's not even right, but it's what I took away from it.  Why is this mentioned now?  To quote Nas, "f*** it, it's just an intro."  Or maybe it's because there was a reason it was playing when I turned on the TV... Check this out:

  • A few years ago, my friend from Japan sent me one of those wristbands/bracelets with "Dream" written across the front.  I thought it was cool and wore it every day for over a year.  On the day I lost it, I had one of the worst, most embarrasing experiences of my life.  (If you don't know the full story, let's just say it involves me making a fool of myself in front of a girl....er, much more so than usual, that is).  That was in May of 2006.  A few days ago -- on New Year's Day, actually -- I randomly checked the back pocket of a jacket I hadn't worn in a few years, and came across that wristband.  I haven't taken it off since.  I need all the help I can get at this point, you know?

  • For the last couple of days, I've had parts of Eminem's "Stan" stuck in my head.  I have no idea why, since I hadn't heard since it first came out seven or eight years ago.  I mean, I did like the song enough to write a remix version that would later be banned from my high school talent show for inappropriate content, but that's besides the point.  This morning, my alarm rings as usual at 5:23 AM, and guess what's playing on the radio?  I mean, what are the odds of that happening?  Just think for a second about how many things had to fall exactly in place...  Yeah, you can say it's just a coincidence, but still...

  • My co-workers and I had a long and funny conversation about what we would name our children, which led to us looking up the most popular baby names in the US.  Not only can you waste a good chuck of time on this site, but there's a clear sign in the Top 20.  I won't say it outright, but trust me, it's there.

I wish I had more of these, but these are the only "signs" I've encountered over the last week.  Oh, and my New Year's resolution is to stop being so damn dramatic and let everything happen as it happens.  And if some things go how I'm praying they do, then I'll have some type of update come this weekend (aside from how the Jags beat the Patriots).  I'm just hoping I'll get another sign before then.

UPDATE:  No signs...same old crap.  I've already broken my New Year's resolution.  Honestly, I'm getting pretty tired of this.

He Got Game...I Don't

Posted by doktakra on August 17, 2007 at 3:50 PM Comments comments (2)

You had to have known that I'd love this show -- The Pickup Artist.  I gotta give the folks at VH1 a lot of credit for consistently putting out quality television...and by quality, I mean absolute trash I feel worthless for watching.  The premise here is straightforward: a renowned master, who goes only by "Mystery" -- and could double Tommy Lee, by the way -- will teach a dozen underachievers how to play the game.  The contestants go through challenges -- or actually, one challenge, since the only goal is...pause for effect...talking to a woman (!).  Look, anytime I get the chance to see guys who might be bigger losers than me, I'm hooked.  And I'll admit that I see parts of myself in some of their problems, like "talks too much," "freezes up in the presence of a female," or "prematurely ejaculates with the slightest touch."  Okay, I made up the last one...and I doubt even Mystery could help me -- er, I mean, someone who has such a problem.

My friend actually recommended the book to me a few months ago -- I don't remember if I ever finished it.  It's an interesting read, filled with its own vocabulary, semi-impressive success stories, and its share of helpful pointers and advice for the 'AFC' (average frustrated chump).  But the big message is really to just have confidence and say something interesting to engage in conversation.  And that's exactly why I never got into it.  I mean, I don't see myself using any of the set conversation openers, like asking a girl to settle some fictional bet, nor would I dress up like an a**hole just to attract attention.  Now, I realize I'm not really in a position to judge , but is it that difficult to talk to someone?  What did people do before "experts" like Mystery and Style taught classes and lectures on how to be cool? 


Anyways, let's just hope that I don't get inspired to hit up some packed night-club and desperately try to pick up random girls just for the thrill of it.  That would be bad...perhaps not even VH1 worthy.


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