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I was half-heartedly watching the late playoff games on Sunday afternoon -- while sleeping and trying not to think of the day's events (hint:  she and I weren't meant to be) -- when I saw a commercial for FX movies.  The only reason it caught my attention was the music playing the background.  Maybe it was my melancholy mood and the self-reflection that came with it, but I've never had a song affect me that much.  I found out it was by James Morrison, a UK singer who released his debut album, aptly titled Undiscovered, in 2006.  I immidiately downloaded it from iTunes, and have now listened to it three times through.  I almost...um, right, almost...cried the first time I heard it.  I'm telling you -- and this is coming from someone who primarily listens to hip-hop and R&B -- I only wish I'd known about it sooner.  If you don't have this album, it gets my highest recommendation possible.

If you're wondering, non-Morrison tracks on my official "Depressed and failing to convince myself I don't need her" Mix include, but are certainly not limited to:

1) Ne-Yo "Go On Girl"
2) R. Kelly "I Can't Sleep, Baby" (LP Version & Remix)
3) Craig David "Awkward"
4) Usher "Let It Burn"
5) Maxwell "This Woman's Work"
6) Justin Timberlake "Again"
7) Ben Folds Five "Brick"
8) Jon McLaughlin "Human"
9) Boyz II Men "On Bended Knee"
10) Stevie Wonder "Premonition"

To lighten the mood a little bit, I will now go on a tangent and provide another round of my new favorite commercials.

1.  Subway - Oochie Mama:  It doesn't take much to make me laugh.  As soon as there's talk of photocopying a butt, I'm already smirking.  The rest of this ad takes an odd and unexpected turn, but it's damn funny...nowhere near classic status, but above average.  But the people who made comments in the Youtube link need to chill and keep their homophobic thoughts to themselves.

2.  Kia Maniac (aka the weird dancing guy):  A common misconception when it comes to ranking an ad in the commercial pantheon is whether it makes sense.  This is simply not true.  I can't get enough of this guy, er, provocatively dancing and then getting a bucket of water thrown on him at the end.  I don't know really know why, but I start nodding my head every time it starts playing.  No, I am not ashamed to admit this.

And on a final note, I caught some of the new American Gladiators show the other night (I don't know why), and I was not impressed in the slightest.  I guess some of the women are semi-attractive...if you're into that masculine, dominatrix look...which I am.  But I gotta say, when I heard that one of the dudes used to be a gay porn star, I was shocked that it wasn't The Wolf.  I mean, come on!

I don't know where to begin.  I wish I knew how to forget all about her, how not to care anymore.  I want to forget about the way she didn't care about me, I need to block out the sound of her voice, her defiant, final words before leaving.  "Sorry, no."  I can pretend that I'm over her, that she was never that important, that I didn't notice the way she failed to say goodbye to me.  I've got to live with the fact that someone I loved, for reasons I can't even put into words, not only didn't feel the same, but didn't see me important enough to warrant five minutes of her time.  I want to believe everyone who tells me her departure is a good thing, that she wasn't the one for me, that I deserve better, and that I'll find someone new.  But I can't.

I went to her farewell drinks and sat for 10 minutes, barely saying a word to anyone before quietly making my exit.  She saw me there, but never looked in my direction.  The week before, I told her it would mean a lot to me if we could have a quick cup of coffee.  That's all I really wanted:  a few minutes to talk to her, so put some closure on a difficult chapter in my life, to say my goodbyes and wish her luck.  She declined; she was "busy."  I sent her an email, which briefly explained what I was feeling.  She didn't write back.  Maybe she deleted it without even reading it, maybe she skimmed through it and didn't find it worthy of a response.  It doesn't make much difference now, in much the same way that my feelings never mattered to her from the start. 

I have to live with all kinds regrets, and I'll always wish things could have been different.  I have to realize that I will never see her again, that I will never get the opportunity to know her.  And she will never get the chance to know me.

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The highlights from yesterday afternoon?  Heated discussions on transsexuals, female body-building contest, and starvation.  Could there be romance in the air?  Let's get right to it.

First of all, most of my usual crew was absent, leaving me surrounded by first-timers and non-regulars -- all of whom were women.  This was a welcome development, since I was able to bust out my tried-and-tested routine of jokes, ranging from my man-crush on Justin Timberlake to my television show analysis; this partly backfired when somehow I was the only one there who watched Grey's Anatomy.  Come on, how does this happen???

Anyway, the girl to my left divulged that her two best friends were 'Barbie-looking' girls who used to be guys, and naturally draw plenty of male suitors.  Now, this situation has been explored in movies, but I can't think of a worse secret to uncover if you develop an intimate relationship with, um, her...seriously, worst times ever.  However, this was too dangerous of a topic for my sensitive commentary at the table, although I didn't hold back much of the laughter.  This same girl, by the way, who's not a transsexual herself, as far as I know, and is actually kind of cute, is training for what she described as her third 'beauty / body-building pageant.'  Her goal is to crack the top-five amongst the field of 12 contestants, and I sincerely wish her all the best in that endeavor.  Another chick, meanwhile, responded by proclaiming herself as the 'weakest person on the planet.'  She later admitted to skipping lunch, never eating breakfast, and having a small dinner.  Yeah, the nutritionist in me believes that would do it.

And finally, the moment that everyone's been waiting for: my smooth-talking attempt at asking out a girl I met a few weeks back (I figure it's best that I continue to leave out names).  Things were going well, as I was as charming as always (modesty is my best quality), while waiting for a good opportunity to talk -- like maybe two minutes when her constantly hovering sister wasn't around.  While were were washing our cutting boards, I asked if she wanted to chill outside of the food kitchen some time.  She responded by basically repeating my questions in an obvious attempt to stall for time.  Later, as I awkwardly waited in the hallway for her to come out, pretending to check my cell phone, I asked her again.  This time, she revealed that she had a boyfriend, and while I tried to save face by acting as if that wasn't what I meant, she smiled and said we'd talk next time.  I guess it's a good precedent for what's to come this week -- more rejection in the office.  See, even managed to end this on my usual low note.